"I know that you can do all things, NO plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2
Friends, I learned a very hard lesson this week. I am not in charge of my life. I am a child of God and He knows the plans for my life and for my family. And God's plans can not be thwarted.... but Sarah's plans most certainly can. I have had a week full of convictions in my heart and through grace I have felt God's comfort and peace. I am a sinner and I wrongly, stepped in front of God and tried to lead my life without letting him fully guide me. I was not patient in waiting to see what was in store.
When Greg found out about his job, we quickly made several decisions without waiting. We told my principal I wouldn't return and started planning for other major decisions like buying a house and me being stay at home mommy. Well, in Greg's "official" meeting we found that as his company promised- they had excellent insurance for Greg, but we failed to know the details regarding carrying Ivy and I on that plan. All in all, it was going to be totally unaffordable to carry our family on his insurance. As we crunched numbers, and instinct kicked in that I didn't know I had- an instinct to provide where I know I can. Teachers have excellent benefits, and this is what we wrongly assumed all jobs had. I am confident in my ability as a teacher and I am confident that this is a very real calling in my life. And I know, in order to move forward I am going to have to go back to work- full time- next year.
I was so sure that God had given me a heart that lacked being able to pull this off.... but in the past 48 hours God is already preparing me. I have fallen into His arms for rest and assurance that I can be an excellent Mommy and teacher. I have several people to look to as role models as I walk this road next year, and probably for many years to come. Through many meaningful conversations, I know that this is what is best for our family. I am so thankful for the revelation that I had after this post. I was counting down the days until the end of school and chose to be joyful for those 30 days... in that joy I started to feel very bittersweet about leaving my job, I had realistic fears about being home, and I longed to have my own classroom for that next 30 days just to regain that teacher ownership that only us teachers really understand :). And those feelings all began to make sense on Tuesday evening. I am able to look at our future and be positive.
I am still asking for prayers and I would love for you to join in- my principal has not yet confirmed that I will have a job. She had moved forward with paperwork after I told her I wouldn't return and I have to wait to hear the status of my job. Other teachers have built my confidence in this but until I hear her confirmation I cannot fully rest. Wilmore is my comfort zone and that is where I would want to teach- hands down. That is a place I would want to send my own children. So I am asking for your prayers for my job security. Once we are assured that I will return to WES we are going to start looking for houses much closer to where I work. This will alleviate some of the travel time and stress that come along with that. I will be able to be close to Ivy while she is at the babysitters and close to my home. I will be able to live in the community where I work. So I would love for you to join me in this prayer.
Here are some scriptures that I have been resting in the past few days:
Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Cast all your anxiety on Hm because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7
Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Many, O Lord, are the wonders you have done. The things you plan for us no one can recount to you; were I to tell of them there are too many.
Be still and know that I am God.
*I will update as soon as I hear anything from my principal. Thanks for your prayers!