*Today was the day.... and proudly the first day, that I lost it! I had a mini meltdown about the struggle of balancing being the jack of all trades. All summer long, as I prayed for the year ahead, I knew that I would still have hard days and somehow I have been able to manage (happily) for the past 8 weeks with no major temper tantrums. Temper tantrums by Mama.... not Ivy. One is never too old to have temper tantrums. So onto my major fit!
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Working full time is manageable, working full time.... having a stupid meeting.... walking on a few eggshells.... knowing I have grad school looming.... and then add a typical 2 year old to the mix is sometimes a recipe for tears. I am so excited to pick Ivy up in the afternoons. I miss her all day and can't wait to hear about all the fun she has at Kristy's. She is at the age where she gives me every last detail and I am soaking these talks in. However, today was different. I was late picking her up due to a stressful afternoon meeting, so maybe it was partly me. But then she began screaming bloody murder the second I buckled her in to the car seat. I told her to calm down and to use her words to tell me what was wrong and then I decided to ignore her tantrum. I turned the music up a little louder certain that with no attention her fit would not flourish. I was WRONG! The screaming escalated, the kicks in my seat got harder, and WAM! I turned around and screamed right back at her. This sent me into tears. Did I really just scream back at a 2 year old? Did I really just yell at the top of my lungs because I had a bad day? Did I really just loose my adult cool with my toddler because she was screaming first?
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Seriously.... I felt terrible. When we got home I sat on the couch a cried. I prayed for strength to do this. I prayed for patience. I prayed to have a change of heart as I go from work mode to home mode. It is hard at times. I told Ivy that I was sorry that I screamed and that I loved her. I told her she was the greatest little girl but she wasn't acting so great. I told her I love when she uses her words so that I know what she needs. She was bothered that Mommy was crying. She sat by me telling me it was okay and rubbing my arm. She asked if I wanted a paci or a blankie!! Haha! And then she said, "I know!!!" as she jumped off the couch on a mission.
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Ivy returned with her doctor bag in tow. She immediately checked my heart and informed me that I was good and it would be okay. "No crying, Okay?" She must have said a million times. I thought it was so sweet and moments like these are when I am reminded of her innocence. I love her child like way of fixing things. I know today was just one of those days where I had to learn a lesson. I am hoping for a better tomorrow and I am most certainly thankful that our children provide us with smiles in the midst of our parenting tears.
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And of course, I had to snap her picture as she played Dr. Ivy! Dr. Ivy knew just the right medicine for a sad mama!
