Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Dr. Ivy

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Today was the day.... and proudly the first day, that I lost it! I had a mini meltdown about the struggle of balancing being the jack of all trades. All summer long, as I prayed for the year ahead, I knew that I would still have hard days and somehow I have been able to manage (happily) for the past 8 weeks with no major temper tantrums. Temper tantrums by Mama.... not Ivy. One is never too old to have temper tantrums. So onto my major fit!
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Working full time is manageable, working full time.... having a stupid meeting.... walking on a few eggshells.... knowing I have grad school looming.... and then add a typical 2 year old to the mix is sometimes a recipe for tears. I am so excited to pick Ivy up in the afternoons. I miss her all day and can't wait to hear about all the fun she has at Kristy's. She is at the age where she gives me every last detail and I am soaking these talks in. However, today was different. I was late picking her up due to a stressful afternoon meeting, so maybe it was partly me. But then she began screaming bloody murder the second I buckled her in to the car seat. I told her to calm down and to use her words to tell me what was wrong and then I decided to ignore her tantrum. I turned the music up a little louder certain that with no attention her fit would not flourish. I was WRONG! The screaming escalated, the kicks in my seat got harder, and WAM! I turned around and screamed right back at her. This sent me into tears. Did I really just scream back at a 2 year old? Did I really just yell at the top of my lungs because I had a bad day? Did I really just loose my adult cool with my toddler because she was screaming first?
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Seriously.... I felt terrible. When we got home I sat on the couch a cried. I prayed for strength to do this. I prayed for patience. I prayed to have a change of heart as I go from work mode to home mode. It is hard at times. I told Ivy that I was sorry that I screamed and that I loved her. I told her she was the greatest little girl but she wasn't acting so great. I told her I love when she uses her words so that I know what she needs. She was bothered that Mommy was crying. She sat by me telling me it was okay and rubbing my arm. She asked if I wanted a paci or a blankie!! Haha! And then she said, "I know!!!" as she jumped off the couch on a mission.
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Ivy returned with her doctor bag in tow. She immediately checked my heart and informed me that I was good and it would be okay. "No crying, Okay?" She must have said a million times. I thought it was so sweet and moments like these are when I am reminded of her innocence. I love her child like way of fixing things. I know today was just one of those days where I had to learn a lesson. I am hoping for a better tomorrow and I am most certainly thankful that our children provide us with smiles in the midst of our parenting tears.
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And of course, I had to snap her picture as she played Dr. Ivy! Dr. Ivy knew just the right medicine for a sad mama!

10 comments:

  1. Hey keep up the good work! You are one of those amazing moms who wears a million hats and still makes it look good.

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  2. How sweet of Dr. Ivy to take care of you! That transition is hard sometimes after a stressful day, we've all been there. It's hard to leave all the work stuff at work and jump into happy mommy some days. But like you said, luckily our little ones know just what we need. Keep up the good work and remember that these days are typically few and far between.

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  3. Nicole is right, we've all had those days and will continue to from time to time. It's perfectly normal to require a little transition time. The fact that you care enough to be concerned and talk about your actions is a lot more than most mothers out there! It sounds like Ivy handled the situation perfectly!! What a sweet girl - hmm, I wonder where she got that from?!

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  4. You're such a great mom! I have days like that all the time and I don't even have the added stress of juggling work and home. Ivy knows you're on her side and love her more than anything, and that's all that matters!

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  5. Oh, have I been there. It's so hard to juggle work, kids and life. I'm still very much in the midst of the craziness and often have to ask my kids to forgive me for loosing it! There will be more days like this, but thankfully our God never gives us more than we can handle!

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  6. You are a great mom! I think I lost my cool a time or two (or three), yelled a few times, and even threw a brush once :) You turned out OK!

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  7. Sarah you are a great mom, and one of the gentlest people I know. Ivy couldn't ask for more. We all have those moments. I consider myself pretty patient but I have definitly had my hissy fits when it comes to dealing with whinny kiddos.

    I think most importantly, we have to humbly come to the cross everyday, admitting our short comings. I know with the continual grace God gives me, he can and will mold me into the mother than I am called to be.
    It also puts in perspective...
    I wonder how many times He has wanted to throw a tantrum on account of my behavior? I probably don't want to know the answer to that.

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  8. As Sarah's mom I have to clarify something--I threw the brush when she was about 13--need i say more?

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  9. What a sweet story. Praying for you friend....

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  10. Awww... so sweet! I am glad you are enjoying being back at school, and I have so been there (the bad/long days)! I will be praying for you :)

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Thanks for your encouragement as I travel through this season of life called mommyhood!